Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law Season 2
by Digimon Emperor X
Summary: After a year's worth of waiting, begging and pants; Harvey's back with more courtoom shenanigans in Season 2! Court has never been and never will be this funny!
1. Not Without my Pumpkins

Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law Season 2

By: DMEX

_Nadda is mine and if you don't like that, you can kiss my ass!_

Ch. 1

Not Without my Pumpkins

Time: 00:00 am Date: Halloween Night

Place: Halloween Town, Hinterlands

Mayor: Great Halloween, everyone. And we owe it all to you, Jack.

Jack Skellington: Not at all Mayor-

(crowd of monsters soon admire him)

Mayor: -Hold up, everyone! We haven't even given out the awards yet! Our first award goes to the Vampire Bros. for the most blood drained in a single evening-

_***CRASH!***_

(The Mayor turns around and sees that his hearse has been wrecked making his sad face appear)

Mayor: _**MY HEARSE! THAT WAS A 1921 VINTAGE! NOOOOOOOHHHOOOOOHOHHOOOOOO!**_

(Harvey Birdman opening)

-Sebben & Sebben Law Firm, Harvey's Office

_Harvey is looking through his candy bowl_

Harvey: Wouldn't you know it, Peanut? Someone already went into the bowl and took the Reese's pumpkins. How can you have Halloween without those?

(Peanut is playing _Dead Rising _on his XBOX 360)

Peanut: Yeh, I feel ya, HB.

Harvey: Do I sense sarcasm out of you? Or are you not even paying attention? Remember, we're supposed to give out candy today?

*BUZZ*

* (intercom): Mr. Birdman, you have a client.

Harvey: Send him in.

_The Mayor comes in. He still has his sad face on. He takes his really bug tall hat off for a moment and scratches his head._

Harvey: What can I do for you?

Mayor: We have a serious problem, Mr. Birdman. Jack Skellington, the King of Halloween is in jail. The police think he wrecked my hearse.

Harvey: _**OOH!**_ Grand Theft Auto, that will get him 15-20 years behind bars!

Mayor: _**THAT'S WHAT I'M AFRAID OF! AND THERE'S ONLY 365 DAYS LEFT UNTIL NEXT HALLOWEEN!**_

Harvey: Make that 364.

Mayor: _**EVEN WORSE! **_You have to help me Mr. Birdman, I'm only an elected official, I can't make these decisions by myself.

Peanut: You really suck as a mayor.

Mayor: I know… I make the New Orleans Saints look like a bunch of honest guys…

Harvey: Don't worry, Mayor. I'll find a way to get him out of this mess. _**I'LL TAKE THE CASE!**_

Mayor (turns back to happy face): _**SPLENDID! **_I knew you'd help us in our time of need.

_Kane (wearing his new mask) burns the door down_

Kane: I'm doing some renovations if you don't mind!

(Harvey, Avenger, Peanut and the Mayor have horrified looks on their faces)

Mayor (switches to sad face): And that's why he's known as The Town's Resident Pyromaniac… Why couldn't he just follow in his brother's footsteps…?

-Halloween Town Jail-

_Jack yawns. Zero comes in and barks_

Jack (groggily): Oh, hey, Zero… we'll be in here for quite some time… as if anyone's gonna pay my bail…

*: Jack? Jack, answer me!

Jack: Sally! What are you doing here?

Sally: Getting you out of jail. I know you did nothing wrong. We got you a lawyer.

Jack: Gonna need one to prove me innocent.

Harvey: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law. I'll be defending you in court.

Jack: It could be worse… Try sharing a cell with him…

(Abyss is seen playing with that Janice weapon he made laughing rather dementedly)

-Halloween Town, Guillotine Gate-

Harvey: So, uhh…

Clown: Clown.

Harvey: No can't afford your college… What were you doing when the Mayor's hearse was destroyed?

Clown: I was in the Halloween Party.

Harvey: Then what's that Gate Post?

Clown (sweat drops): I'm the Security Guard…

Harvey: And you saw nothing?

Clown: Define nothing…

(Dr. Finkelstein's Lab blows up)Dr. Finkelstein (angry): _**CONFOUND IT! IGOR, CLEAN THIS MESS UP WHILE I DEAL WITH SALLY!**_

Harvey: I better go…

-Pumpkin Patch-

Harvey: Did you see anything unusual at the Halloween Party yesterday night?

Hanging Tree: I don't talk to no Lawyers!

Hanging Men: Neither do we!

Harvey: This is worse than I thought…

Hanging Tree: Did I ask fer yer opinion?

Harvey: Leaving now!

-Halloween Town Court-

Judge: Maleficent Bailiff: Pete

Prosecution: Oogie Boogie Defense: Harvey Birdman

Pete: _**ALLLLLLL RISE!**_ The honorable Judge Maleficent presiding!

Harvey: Wonder if she's on Vegeta's payroll?

_Green fire appears out of no where as Maleficent appears on the Judge's seat. Everyone applauds._

Maleficent: Don't ask me to do it again. It's a one time only deal. (pulls a pair of handle glasses out) Let's see what you're in for Mr. Skellington.

(reads the sheet of paper and smirks)

Maleficent: Well, now… Grand Theft Auto and Destruction of Public Property. I'll enjoy sending you to prison. Prosecution may start, this court is now in session.

(Bangs dragon-like gavel)

Oogie: Well now! Jack Skellington, the so-call Pumpkin King! The dreaded BONE DADDY (hehehehe) is being charged with _**GTA AND DPP! **_Now then, what to do with all Jack? _**EH? LOCK 'IM IN JAIL!**_

Maleficent (sarcastically): Thank you for your enlightenment, Mr. Oogie…

Oogie: Why, thank you… I spent all night preparing that-

Maleficent: _**IT WAS SARCASM YOU BUMBLING IDIOT!**_ Mr. Birdman, if you please?

Harvey: Gladly, Your Honor. Jack Skellington: The Pumpkin King, The Bone Daddy, Mr. Unlucky, he's even known through Kentucky, England and France! My client was arrested and _**BEING SUED IN COURT NO LESS**_, for a crime he didn't commit! Where was the police report you ask? Where was the evidence? Was there even a list of possible suspects? _**NO! **_Your Government has failed to follow the standard procedures, much less; any and all CSI Investigations to this crime. If he didn't commit, you must acquit!

(Dr. Finkelstein opens his skull and scratches his brain. The Mayor and Jack Skellington face palms themselves)

-Court-

Harvey: Isn't it true that you are the town's Gatekeeper?

Clown: Yah, it's true.

Harvey: And you didn't see anyone go in or out?

Clown: It was kind hard to. With the Halloween Party going on…

Harvey: Need I remind you you're under oath?

Clown: What are you gettin at?

(Avenger kills the lights and footage plays)

Harvey: I have footage of you getting drunk at the Halloween Town Gate!

Clown: Yah, I'll admit. I was a bit plastered but da hangover was way worse.

Oogie: _**OBJECTION!**_

Maleficent: On what grounds?

Oogie: On the grounds that the footage could very well be a _**FAKE!**_

(The Citizens of Halloween Town gasp in horror)

Harvey: The footage is authentic.

Oogie: You sure?

Maleficent: He's right… It's on the right hand corner.

Pete (angry): _**YOU IMBECLIE! CAN'T YA REEEEAAADDD?**_

Maleficent: I have to agree with Pete. Even though he's the biggest buffoon on the planet!

Pete (sadly): You really know how ta hurt a guy…

-Moe's Tavern-

Jack: We may as well give up… No point in going on in court.

Harvey: Do you realize that the Prosecution has a moron trying to lock you up.

Moe: You give up, and I'll have lost all respect for ya!

Jack: Do you realize we don't even have any proof of my innocence?

(Zero barks)

Jack: No, Zero… Down boy.

Sally: What's that?

(Harvey looks at it)

_Dr. Finkelstein (voice over): __**CONFONUD IT! CONFOUND IT!**_

(Dr. Finkelstein's yelling buzzes in his skull for some time)

Harvey: _**I GOT IT! YOU'RE INNOCENT!**_

Jack: You mean-

Harvey: Let's get you exonerated!

-Court-

Maleficent: Does the Jury have a verdict?

Harvey: Hold on, Your Honor.

Maleficent (banging dragon gavel multiple times): _**MR. BIRDMAN! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?**_

Harvey: I have proof that my client is innocent.

Maleficent: Show me.

Harvey: _**HERE'S YOUR EVIDENCE!**_

(Pulls out a dry cleaning bag. It has Piglet's underwear. Girl in the background screams)

Maleficent: I fail to see how that's relevant…

Harvey: Oops! Wrong bag. Supposed to give Piglet's dry cleaning back today. _**HERE'S YOUR EVIDENCE!**_

(pulls out a plastic bag . It has Goten's shirt in it that reads: Occupy This and has an arrow pointing down)

Maleficent: Are you just spouting out random evidence?

Harvey: Oops! The other wrong bag. Supposed to give Goten's dry cleaning back today, also. _**HERE'S YOUR REAL EVIDENCE!**_

(Pulls out an evidence bag that has a broken science glass and 3 masks. The citizens of Halloween Town gasp as Lock, Shock, and Barrel have a shocked look on their faces)

Lock: Oh… $#*+…

Shock (angry): _**YOU TOLD EVERYONE?**_

Barrel: It wasn't our fault!

_Lock Shock and Barrel begin to fight amongst each other. Kane's Hellfire and Brimstone made them stop and scared them_

Dr. Finkelstein: Thank you Kane. So I guess you figured it out. _IT WAS I WHO MASTERMINDED THIS!_

Sally: _**WHAT?**_

_Everyone gasps_

Bender: _**IT WAS A RUSSO SWERVE!**_

Dr. Finkelstein: I planned to have you locked away to become Halloween Town's biggest EVIL SCIENTIST AND RULE HALLOWEEN TOWN! And Sally was the only person standing between me and my goal!

Jack: I don't believe it…

Dr. Finkelstein: _**IGOR!**_

(Igor's machine busts the courtroom wall open. Kane, Lock, Shock and Barrel hopped on board. Igor pulls the lever and a mechanical arm snatches the mad doctor and Igor drives it away)

Pete: Didn't see that one coming.

Maleficent: If there's one thing _**I WON'T TOLLERATE IN MY COURTROOMS IT'S A RUSSO SWERVE!**_ (sighs) Mr. Skellington is free to go… But I order Pete to be flogged in my chambers for 6 hours!

Pete: _**WHAT DID I DO?**_

Maleficent: _**DON'T ARGUE WITH ME! GET GOING!**_

(everyone cheers as _3 Cheers for the Red White and Blue_ play in the background)

-Sebben & Sebben, Harvey's Office-

Harvey: Well, another unusual case that leads to another unusual victory…

Gabumon: Shouldn't we go and get Pete out?

(meanwhile)

_Pete is being flogged in his underwear by Temari_

_Everyone has a long moment of silence. Everyone laughs_

(Harvey Birdman credits)


	2. Don't Make me Pay Taxes, Hunny!

Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law Season 2

By: DMEX

Ch. 2

Don't Make me Pay Taxes, Hunny!

Time: 01:30 p.m. Date: Summer Day

Place: City Hall

Bears are surrounding City Hall very anxiously

(meanwhile inside)

Escargoon is speeding down the hallway to the main conference room

***CRASH!***

King DeDeDe: Escargoon, what in the blazes took ya so long?

Escargoon: The bears are getting anxious, Sire!

King DeDeDe: Anxious? Fer what may I ask?

Escargoon: The new Hunny Tax Law! The one that bears have to pay $50,000 for each Hunny pot in their position!

King DeDeDe: Oh, that one…

Escargoon: We need to tell them the decision, now, Sire!

King DeDeDe: In an hour! What's the worst that can happen?

Escargoon: **_PLENTY!_**

(Escargoon opens the curtains)

Escargoon: The Country Bears are handing them shotguns! **_FULLY LOADED SHOTGUNS!_**

King DeDeDe: **_OH BOY! _**This ain't good! Guess I better tell them now, before we have ourselves a riot.

(King DeDeDe makes his way out to the bears. When he opens the door)

_Bears start chanting angrily_

King DeDeDe: **_EVERYONE CALM DOWN!_**

_Bears go quiet_

King DeDeDe: Now, then; about the Hunny Tax… I rule **_IN FAVOR OF THE HUNNY TAX! _**You bears better come up with some cold hard cash if ya want yer Hunny Pots! Riot Control, get out here and get these bears outta here!

_City Hall door slams. Police officers attack the bears_

(Harvey Birdman opening)

-Sebben & Sebben Law Firm, Harvey's Office-

Harvey is doing some paperwork and Avenger just observes

Harvey: I need to expand on vocabulary… I end up using the same words in most of my cases. Peanut?

Peanut (while playing New Super Mario Bros.) Yeah, HB?

Harvey: Do you remember what I did with my Thesaurus?

Peanut: Didn't you lend it to Funkasarus?

Harvey: I would have remembered doing something like that.

Peanut: Oh, yeah! I remember now, Ryback came in and tore it up after you botched his case!

Harvey (quietly): oh yeah, I forgot about him…

(FLASHBACK, 2 WEEKS AGO)

_Harvey: Ryback, tale it easy! I just didn't word it correctly!_

_Ryback beats up Harvey. He then sees his Thesaurus and tears it._

_Ryback: **FEED! ME! MORE! FEED! ME! MORE!**_

(END FLASHBACK)

Harvey: And now he's reduced to beating up Jobbers 'cause I screwed up…

*BUZZ!*

*: Mr. Birdman you have a client. A Winnie-The-Pooh?

Harvey: Send him in.

(Pooh comes in)

Harvey: Oh, Pooh Bear; don't tell me you got arrested again for stealing Hunny!

Pooh: Actually, no. The bears and I (after we had thinking time) decided to fight for our Hunniful Rights. The government had just passed an unfair Hunny Tax for bears! The bear community that doesn't pay is sitting in jail!

Harvey: **_AGAIN! WHEN WILL THEY LEARN? BEARS NEED HUNNY TO SURVIVE! _**Pooh Bear, you can count on me! **_I'LL TAKE THE CASE!_**

_Kid Goku riding the Flying Nimbus crashes into the window and slides down slowly_

Peanut: oops. Must have used Ultra Strength Windex…

-Prison, Block A, Cell 1-

Harvey: Now I know you bears are wondering who I am. Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law. I'll be representing the Bear Community in court.

Baby Bear: Y-y-ya betta; otherwise we're schtuck with porridge.

(Mama Bear and Papa Bear glare at him)

Baby Bear: Not dat dere'sh anything wroung with porridge.

Smokey the Bear: I have to go back to my sage advice: "Only you can prevent wildfires."

Banjo: What will I use as a Health Meter in my new game if I'm not allowed to use Hunny or Honeycombs?

Pooh: We must put our trust with Harvey Birdman. Otherwise, we'll never be able to have Hunny again!

Harvey: It should be a breeze.

-Sebben & Sebben Mess Hall-

Harvey is enjoying his lunch when Vegeta comes by Harvey's table

Vegeta: Let me see if I understand this? You're going to try to fight the Hunny Tax? An unfair Tax that I personally made myself! You're completely foolish to even think you can repeal it!

Harvey: Talk is cheap Vegeta. They way I see it, you got off prison time and have a clean criminal record now because of your daughter.

Vegeta (angry): **_WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME, BIRDMORON?_**

Bully Ray: **'EY VEGETA! YOU SUCK!**

Vegeta (angry, to Bully Ray): **_DON'T PUSH YER LUCK!_**

Bully Ray: **WHAT ARE YA GONNA DO ABOUT IT? YA GONNA LASH OUT AT ME?**

(Fighting ensues between Bully Ray and Vegeta. You can see the background rumbling from the fighting and hear Bully Ray yelling and insulting Vegeta in the background as well. TDI's Gwen walks by the table and observes the fighting)

Gwen: I won't even ask…

-Court-

Judge: Plankton Bailiff: Computer W.I.F.E. Karen

Prosecution: John Laurinitus w/ David Otunga Defense: Harvey Birdman

Karen: ALL RISE FOR JUDGE PLANKTON!

(the Judge's door opens as Plankton makes his way to his Judge's Chair with an assist by Karen)

Plankton: You may all be seated! This court is in session!

(bangs his Chum Bucket gavel)

Plankton: Prosecution is first, **_AND DON'T BORE US WITH THAT PEOPLE POWER CRAP!_**

(courtroom roars into boos)

Laurinitus: My name is Mr. John Laurinitus. I'm-

Plankton: -I'm about to put this Size 16 up your narrow ass if you don't get to the point!

Laurinitus: As the Prosecution Attorney along with David Otunga, it is my job to protect the Law by denying the bears their rights to Hunny. Look at this way: there's always salmon.

_Baby Bear gives an angry look as Laurinitus smirks_

Plankton: The Prosecution is ordered to **_SHUT THEIR PIEHOLES BEFORE A RIOT ENSUES!_**

Otunga: Come on, I had nothing to-

Plankton (bangs Chum Bucket gavel several times): **_THAT'S AN ORDER!_**

Harvey: May I, Your Honor.

Plankton: Yes, Birdman. For God's Sake, please relieve us of this horrible boredom.

Harvey: Gladly, Your Honor. The defendants you see before you today are in fact bears. Bears who were stripped of their rights to collect, own , buy and eat Hunny. I've said it once, and I'll say it again: **_THESE ARE BEARS! AND BEARS NEED HUNNY TO SURVIVE!_** How is a Pooh Bear, let alone all these other bears supposed to survive in the wild without Hunny? You the Jury must repeal this horrible, horrible bill!

-Court-

Otunga: Prosecution calls Vegeta to the Stand.

(Vegeta is at the stand)

Otunga: Mr. Vegeta, do you swear to-

Vegeta: Choose your next words carefully!

Otunga: Right… Well, isn't it true that-

(a spit ball hits Vegeta in the face. He growls and wipes it off)

Otunga: Let me start again. Isn't it true that you-

(another spitball hits Vegeta in the face)

Vegeta ( a bit irate): **_STOP HITTING ME WITH SPITBALLS!_**

Otunga: Would you like to step down? I don't we're getting anywhere.

Vegeta: Ask it again. I didn't get out of Kakarrot's camping trip for nothing!

(Vegeta is pelted very hard with a paintball)

Vegeta (very angry): **_WHO KEEPS DOING THAT?_**

Bully Ray: **YA DIDN'T SAY I COULD HIT YA WITH PAINTBALLS!**

(cocks his paintball gun)

Laurinitus: Your Honor, I think you need to do something! The witness is being disrespected and-

Plankton: **_SHUT YER PIEHOLE!_**

Laurinitus scowls and adjusts his tie

Otunga (sweat drops): *sigh* Witness is dismissed…

-Court-

Harvey: You've all heard the BS that the Prosecution has tried to build on my clients. But what you haven't seen is the evidence.

_Avenger kills the lights and security video plays_

Harvey: As you can see in this security footage, you can take note that the bears are being attacked by police officers. And why do you ask? King DeDeDe asked security to get them off public property.

Laurinitus: Objection-

Plankton: On what grounds?

Laurinitus: King DeDeDe ordered the security guards to take them off of City Hall and the footage clearly shows that's what they did.

Plankton: Hate to say this, Birdman; unless you got some other proof I have to rule in favor of him.

Harvey: I have just one, _**THIS!** _The official Final Bill that was signed to repeal the Hunny Bill by none other than **_KING DEDEDE AND ESCARGOON!_**

(dramatic music, everyone gasps)

Rabbit: It was another Vince Russo Swerve!

(everyone glares viciously at King DeDeDe and Escargoon)

King DeDeDe: (gulps)

Escargoon (sweating bullets): Now hold one here, you can't put yer paws on us! We're in a Court of Law!

Bully Ray (angry): **_SCREW THE COURT OF LAW! LET'S KICK THEIR HEADS OFF!_**

Laurinitus: **_DAMN YOU BIRDMAN! WE HAD EVERYTHING GOING FOR US UNTIL YOU RUINED IT FOR ME!_**

(dramatic music, everyone turns around and glares angrily at Laurinitus and Otunga)

Koenma (in toddler form): **_IT WAS A DOUBLE SWERVE!_**

Bully Ray: **'EY! LET'S KICK BOTH THEIR HEADS OFF!**

Plankton: Bears are not guilty. And as for Triple D, Escargoon, and these two **_IMBECLIES_**; I order them to strung up by their gills or windpipes and flogged until they pass out!

(everyone goes into a riotous cheer, Bully Ray moos)

-Sebben & Sebben, Harvey's Office-

Harvey: Well, alls well that ends well.

Gabby: **_HEY! _**That's my line!

Pooh: I think the most important thing is that we got our Hunny back.

Baby Bear: Yea, verily.

_Goldberg spears Harvey out the window_

***THUD!***

Goldberg: **_RRAAAAAAAAGHHHH!_**

(everyone laughs)

_Goofy is riding Kid Goku's Flying Nimbus and crashes into a the wall_

Goofy: **_AAAAHHOOOOHOOOHHOOOOHHEEEEEEE!_**

***CRASH!***

(everyone laughs harder)

(Harvey Birdman credits)


	3. Nobody Likes a Tattle Tale

Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law Season 2

By: DMEX

Ch. 3

Nobody Likes a Tattle Tale

Time: CENSORED! Date: CENSORED!

Place: CENSORED!

Dixie Carter and AJ Styles seem to be walking arm in arm (though the reason is not clear)

Daniels (in bush, thinking): _Oh this will be good!_

(Police sirens)

Daniels (thinking): **_DAMMIT! _**_What are the pigs doing here?!_

(police radio chatter)

AJ Styles: What!? Again! That's the 20th time this week!

Dixie: I had security beefed up because of this.

Inspector Meguire: Dixie, we're working around the clock. By the way, seen these 2 individuals? They've been wanted for illegal wiretapping.

Daniels (thinking): _oh, ^ +*!_

Dixie: Yeah! Those two are Chris Daniels and Frankie Kazarian!

AJ Styles: Those two have been trying to destroy our reputation!

*bush rustles*

Inspector Meguire: C'mon out of there! Hands in the air where I can see them.

(red van runs by and Daniels gets in. Kaz is driving)

Daniels: **_PUNCH IT!_**

Kaz: Way ahead of you!

AJ Styles: Why am I not surprised!

Inspector Meguire: **_WE GOT A RUNAWAY!_**

(Meguire gets in his police cruiser and pursues them)

Inspector Meguire (on Police Radio): This is Inspector Meguire! Our illegal wiretapping suspects Frankie Kazarian and Christopher Daniels are speeding down the roadway Northbound towards Goldenrod City in a 2000 red Honda mini van, License Plate FLN-1507! I want all officers to pursue these men and use excessive force if need be! There's a slight chance that they may be armed with barbed wire baseball bats!

-somewhere in Goldenrod City-

Kaz: This is **_YOUR FAULT!_**

Daniels: **_MY FAULT?! _**'Cause I was getting evidence of AJ Styles and Dixie Carter so I can be the new face of TNA?!

(police sirens and police cruisers appear out of no where)

_Indistinct police radio chatter_

Inspector Meguire: We'll take that as a confession.

(Wilder cuffs them)

Daniels: Get your damn hands off me! Do you know who I am-

(Wilder slams Daniels on the cruiser)

Wilder: You're a scumbag who's going to prison!

Wilder hits Daniels and Kaz with his knight stick

Wilder: Move it! You have the right to remain silent-

(Harvey Birdman opening)

-Sebben & Sebben, Harvey's Office-

Peanut is playing on Harvey's computer

Harvey: Peanut! What are you doing?

Peanut: Eh, just playing _Purble Palace_ on your computer.

Harvey: Oh! Did you ever figure out what those oh, so, adorable little purbles are wearing?

Peanut: Eh, not so much.

(Avenger face palms himself)

_Phil bursts into Harvey's office_

Phil Ken Sebben: Heads up Harvey! You got 2 new cases- Wait a moment! **_I LIED! _**3 new cases!

Harvey: **_3?! WHY?! WHO IS IT I HAVE TO DEFEND NOW?!_**

Phil Ken Sebben: Some Styles person and a Dixie. Oh, and you have to defend Captain Olimar and Knuckles the Echidna.

Harvey: Can't Birdgirl do those other 2 cases?

Phil Ken Sebben: Like to, but she's out on vacation. **_HA HA! _**Locked in a basement!

(Dixie Carter and AJ Styles come in.)

Harvey: AJ Styles? What did you do now? And don't tell me it's another charge from your Immortal days.

AJ Styles: What the hell would I be charged for something that happened 2 years ago?!

Dixie Carter: It's Frankie Kazarian and Chris Daniels. They've been slandering us!

Harvey: Well, what have they been saying?

Peanut: As if you don't know HB?

Harvey: I don't because I was in court last Thursday.

AJ Styles: First it was that me and Dixie were having an affair and now-

Dixie Carter: -It's now gotten worse as to him getting Clair Lynch pregnant. It has to stop, you're our last hope.

Harvey: **_THOSE BASTARDS! HAVE THEY NO SHAME! DON'T YOU WORRY, I'LL MAKE THOSE MISCREANTES PAY! I'LL TAKE THE CASE!_**

_Pikmin are seen taking Harvey's computer. They all watch with a strange look on their face_

Yellow Pikmin: (MMHM!)

-Court-

Harvey: -so I ask you, why is it that my client, Knuckles the Echidna is being sued in court today? **_BECAUSE OF AN UNFAIR PARKING TICKET TO A CAR HE DOESN'T EVEN OWN!_**

Knuckles: I don't even freakin' drive! That's the point!

Cooler: Objection, Your Honor! Knuckles has a Driver's License in the UK. As you see right here.

Mentok: Let me see it.

Driver's License poof into Mentok's hand

Mentok: **_OH YES IT IS! _**And I must say, Knucklehead you have such horrible hand writing.

Knuckles: That's impossible!

Mentok (bangs his brain gavel): Guilty as charged!

-Court, 4 hours later-

Harvey: Isn't it true that you crash landed on the Pikmin Planet back in December of 2001?

Olimar: (unintelligible garbled talk)

Harvey: Uh huh, as I thought. And isn't it true that you made it back to your home world in the Spring of 2005 only to have yourself return to said Pikmin Planet so you can pay the company debt off?

Olimar: (unintelligible garbled talk)

Edgeworth: **_OBJECTION!_**

_Edgeworth slams his hand on the desk_

Edgeworth: **_HOW DO WE KNOW FOR A FACT THAT'S WHAT CAPTAIN OLIMAR JUST SAID?! HE CAN'T EVEN SPEAK CLEAR ENGLISH!_**

Genie: Yeesh, don't go all **_NEUORTIC _**on me. I picked it up and the winner of the Not Guilty award is-

(confetti falls on Olimar and the Pikmin)

Genie: **_CAPTAIN OLIIIIMMAARRRRRR!_**

(Abu blows party whistle)

Genie: **_THIS CASE IS! DIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSIIIIIIISED!_**

_turns his hand into a gavel and slams it_

Edgeworth (quietly): I'm surrounded by idiots…

-Sebben & Sebben Mess Hall-

(Joseph Park bursts in. Goes to Harvey's table)

Mr. Park: Harvey! (pant, pant) Listen to me! I know (pant, koff) who Daniels and Kaz's attorneys are!

Harvey: For God's sake, I hope it not that damned Paul Heyman.

Mr. Park: Oh, thank God it ain't. No, it's much worse!

AJ Styles: Lemme guess, Bischoff?

Mr. Park: Unfortunately, it is.

*: **_THERE YOU ARE! WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN, PARK?!_**

Mr. Park: Vegeta, what are you-

Vegeta: **_SAVE IT! _**You keep your mouth shut and you don't tell Bird Moron nothing! **_YOU HEAR ME, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF CRAP! NOTHING!_**

Harvey: It's Birdman, Vegeta.

Vegeta: I don't remember asking for your opinion! Park, same goes for you, now **_GET YOUR ASS IN LINE!_**

Mr. Park: Yes, Vegeta. Right away sir!

Vegeta: **_WHAT WAS THAT, YOU INGRATE?!_**

Mr. Park: Yes, King Vegeta! Right away, Your Honor!

Vegeta: That's what I though you said!

(Vegeta leaves)

AJ Styles: You can stand up to Bully Ray, but you cringe at a guy like him?

Mr. Park: You have no idea what it's like to work for that guy. I'd like to punch him in his face-

Mr. Park wipes the sweat off his face with his sweat rag

Vegeta: **_WHAT WAS THAT?!_**

Mr. Park: Nothing, sire.

(Vegeta smirks evilly)

Vegeta: Just for that, you can take Bischoff's place in court.

Mr. Park: You can't do that-

Vegeta: **_DO IT OR YOUR ASS IS FIRED!_**

(Vegeta storms out. Mr. Park sighs deeply)

Mr. Park: Oh well, if I go down this time, at least I know it'll be to one of my good friends.

Harvey: Same to you. If I go down, it'll be because of a friend and my own ignorance. (I think…)

-Court-

Judge: Mentok the Mind-Taker Bailiff: Kane

Prosecution: Kaz and Daniels Defense: Harvey Birdman

Kane: All rise or **_I WILL CUT YOUR-_**

Mentok: Uh uh uh! You know my proper entrance.

Kane: **_I WON'T DO IT!_**

Mentok: Do I see a date with a certain someone? A tiny little certain-

Kane: I'll do it, but **_YOU OWE ME BIG!_**

Kane: Ladies and gentlemen and all of you putrid humans of the jury, when your car is a-broken and you need a-fixen and you got no where else to go-a Judge Mentok the Mind Taker.

(Mentok appears in his chair with magic)

Mentok: Now was that so hard for you to do?

Kane: Like I said, **_YOU OWE ME BIG TIME!_**

Mentok: Yes, well anyway; this court is in session. Joe Park, your first.

Mr. Park: okay, well let me just say this upfront that I'm being forced against my will to defend these two.

Daniels: It won't kill you to convict that bastard AJ Styles.

Kane (angry): **_YOU'LL DO IT AND LIKE IT!_**

Mentok: Both of you shut up! Mr. Park in light of your "predicament" you're free to go.

Mr. Park: Thank you, Your Honor.

(runs out of the court room)

Kaz: Looks like it's up to the both of us.

Daniels: Yup. I'll start first.

Daniels: Ladies and gentlemen of the Jury, we would like to say that we are innocent. AJ Styles is the guilty bastard who's been-

Chi-Chi (angry): **_OH BROTHER! LET'S KILL THOSE GUYS!_**

Mentok: You aren't allowed to kill the plaintiff.

Harvey: May I, Your Honor?

Mentok (sarcastically): Yes, Harvey… Feel free to deliver your opening statements.

Harvey: Gladly, Your Honor. AJ Styles, a man with bravery; integrity and most of all compassion. John Cena, whether you like him or you don't like Mr. Styles, he's a man with honor, pride and heart. What do these two have in common, both had enemies that tried to unmessilessly destroy them. **_HOW DO WE KNOW THAT MR. STYLES WAS WASTED THAT NIGHT? AND WHY WOULD THE PROSECUTION BLATENTLY SAY THAT MY CLIENTS MR. STYLES AND DIXIE CARTER WERE HAVING AN AFFAIR WHEN IT TURNED OUT TO BE FASLE?! _**You the jury must acquit my clients before you have them arrested and imprisoned unfairly!

Captain Olimar (in the Jury) sweat drops

-Court-

(Madison Rayne is on the witness stand)

Madison (annoyed): Okay, why am I here, again?

Kaz: To testify against AJ Styles.

Madison: Ugh! I already told you Kaz, I don't know nothing **_OR ANYTHING_** about your stupid investigation.

Kaz: Can you humor us a bit and tell us where you last saw AJ Styles.

Harvey: Objection, Your Honor!

Mentok: Overruled! I want to know about her ventures.

Madison (annoyed): **_UGH! _**Buying a drink at the vending machine. Can I go now? I didn't miss 4 hours of flight to testify in court?

Mentok: Yes, she can. Being queen of the world is a lot harder than it looks.

Madison: Thank you Your Honor.

Madison tries to leave but the Pikmin glare at Madison blankly

Madison (toward Pikmin): Don't even think about it.

_Pikmin turn a whitish color. Madison blows a whistle. They turn back to their original color. Madison leaves and all 100 Pikmin follow_

-Court-

Harvey: Dixie, how would you rate AJ Styles as a human being.

Dixie: An upstanding individual-

Daniels: **_OBJECTION!_**

Mentok: On what basis?

Daniels: We have photographic proof that AJ Styles got Clair Lynch pregnant while they were drunk!

(Kaz flips the light switch and shows the photos. Everyone in court mutters among themselves)

Kaz: What do you have to say about that Birdman?

Mentok: Hate to say it Harvey, but it looks **_VERY CONVINCING…_**

(Courtroom doors open, Alexis Rhodes comes in with a vanilla envelope)

Daniels: **_DON'T LET HER IN HERE!_**

Mentok: Okay, I'll let her in.

Kaz: **_OBJECTION-_**

Alexis: Save it, Kaz. I'm Miss Lynch's attorney.

Harvey: Oh this can't be good…

Alexis: I've been requested to read this. This is Clair's final testimony.

Mentok: Oh, this gonna be good. I can't wait! Lemme peek inside your mind!

Alexis: No, thank you.

Mentok: Spoilsport.

_Alexis opens the folder and pulls out a paper._

Alexis (reading): _To everyone who I've hurt and to anyone who's concerned,_

_On the evening of a certain time and place (which I cannot and will not disclose) I was approached by Mr. Daniels and Mr. Kazarian help them be apart of a scheme to demoralize and defame Mr. Styles. A scheme that involved blackmail. Furthermore, I was never pregnant. By the time you read this, I'll have already turned myself into the police. To everyone who I care and love, I hope that one day; you can be able to forgive me._

(dramatic music. Everyone glares at Kaz and Daniels with angry looks)

Tea Gardner: **_YOU OUGHTA BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!_**

Kane: Normally, I'd feel good about myself knowing these two embraced the hate, but for some reason… I feel… rather unfulfilled…

Mentok: Couldn't agree more, big man. AJ Styles and Dixie Carter; you're free to go. But Kaz and Daniels, I sentence you to 7 years torture with **_KANE! AND HE CAN DO WHATEVER HE LIKES _**(so long it's legal.)

_Mentok bangs his brain gavel. Everyone, except Kaz and Daniels cheers as _3 Cheers for the Red White and Blue_ is played by George W. Bush's secret service_

-Sebben & Sebben, Harvey's Office-

AJ Styles: **_OOOWWEE!_** Am I glad that's over.

Dixie Carter: Those two are getting exactly what they deserve.

Harvey: Couldn't agree more. Though I wasn't expecting her to come in.

Alexis: Be glad I saved your ass, Harvey. I almost let you take the fall, but I'd be no better than them.

Gail Kim: Anyone seen Madison?

Peanut: She went to the Pikmin Planet.

-Pikmin Planet-

_Captain Olimar is waving a leaf fan for Madison Rayne and the Pikmin are hard at work. Madison blows a whistle and lays on her stomach_

Pikmin: (HMM HM!)

(the Pikmin start massaging Madison)

Madison: I could get used to this life. For little runts, you aren't so bad.

_Captain Olimar groans unsatisfied_

Madison: Faster you little runts.

_Madison blows a whistle and the Pikmin respond quite well_

(Harvey Birdman credits as Pikmin Theme (from the first game) plays in the background)


	4. The Pig Has Spoken

Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law Season 2

By: DMEX

Ch. 4

The Pig Has Spoken

Time: 16:30 PM Date: Thanksgiving Day

Place: The White House

_The President is at his podium with some random turkey_

President: -it is with great honor and pride for American People, I hereby pardon this turkey for any wrong doings.

(everyone applauds and cheer. Turkeys gobble and applaud as well)

*: **_BOO! DOWN WITH DA TURKEY!_**

President: Who said that?

_Oolong comes out of crowd and onto the President's stage. He then grabs a mic._

Oolong: For far too long, you've been pardoning da wrong animal. Why don't ya do something' useful fer once and pardon da pig?

(everyone boos. Turkeys gobble angrily)

_Garbled police chatter on police radio_

Chief Wiggum: We'll get him!

Police sirens, Oolong puts his hands in the air

Oolong: Is there a problem, Officer?

Chief Wiggum: Alright you ornery porkster, hands behind yer back! You're under arrest for not following tradition!

Officer Lou: Uh, Chief? Do we have anything in a small size?

Chief Wiggum: Just use the rope in the back. With the economy the way it is, it's too expensive to buy cuffs.

Officer Lou: What happen to those toy cuff you had?

Chief Wiggum: Oh, Raplhie brought them to school and his teacher had to confiscate them.

_they tie Oolong's hand behind his back_

Oolong: Now, now, now hold on here! I think you have the wrong idea-

_Chief Wiggum hits Oolong with his knight stick_

Chief Wiggum: You have the right to remain silent-

_puts apple in Oolong's mouth_

(Harvey Birdman Opening)

_Harvey is at his desk trying out his new computer_

Harvey: (sigh) This is ridiculous… I can't believe I have to get a new computer.

Peanut: Is that a Toshiba?

Harvey (angry): **_NO THANKS TO DEADPOOL SHOOTING MY COMPUTER!_**

Deadpool: What? The Black Gears were coming out of your computer?

Harvey: What Black Gears?

*BUZZ*

*: Mr. Birdman, you have some clients.

Harvey: Send them in.

(Teen Bulma, Yamcha, Puar, Kid Goku and Krillin come in)

Harvey: **_OH, LET ME GUESS?! ROSHI IS IN JAIL AGAIN!_**

Yamcha: I think Master Roshi learned his lesson.

Puar: Oolong got arrested!

Bulma: Serves that little porker right.

Krillin: Didn't you see the news? (and not MSNBC because they lie to keep ratings.)

(Harvey turns on TV)

_Kent Brockman: This is Kent Brockman LIVE in State's Capitol where local pig, Oolong was arrested for defying tradition. This is what he had to say._

_Oolong: Kent, fer hundreds of years; da turkey gets pardoned for crimes. Why doesn't the pig get pardoned? Whateva happened ta common decency, fer God's Sake?_

_Kent Brockman: Needless to say, the pig has been detained and may find himself turning… …on an open BBQ pit._

_Oolong (in background): **I HEARD THAT!**_

(Harvey turns off TV)

Bulma: Shame on him!

Goku: What's so wrong with that? All he said was that the pig needed to be pardoned.

Harvey: Oh, I see what this is. Speaking his mind to the liberal media. Don't worry, I'll get out him out of that. **_I'LL TAKE THE CASE!_**

(gunshots are heard, everyone ducks, expect Goku. He gets shot multiple times)

Deadpool: **_THAT'S FOR BETTING RYBACK!_**

Bulma: Up yours, Deadpool!

Harvey: Are you okay?

Goku: **_OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!_**

Peanut: And why did we replace Peter Potomus with him?

Harvey: Tax cuts.

-Prison, Block P, Cell G-

_Oolong is lying on the prison cot (he actually wearing an orange prison jumpsuit), playing with a pocketknife_

Oolong: Did ya come ta pay my bail so I can get outta here?

Bulma: Personally, I think he should stay here.

Yamcha: Come on Bulma, we came all this way, let's pay his bail and let him settle his legal issues in court.

Oolong: Ya betta have got me a damn good lawyer.

Puar: We did. And he's going to take your case.

Harvey: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law. I'll be representing you in court.

Oolong: Birdman?! Ya got me Harvey Birdman of **_ALL PEOPLE?!_**

Harvey: Anyway Oolong, I'm going to be defending you in court, so don't do anything reckless and stupid. (I think)

_Oolong abruptly stops stabbing some cellmate_

Oolong: He was dead when he came in here.

-Court-

Judge: Hiram Mightor Bailiff: Brian Griffin

Prosecution: Paul Heyman Defense: Harvey Birdman

Brian: Hear ye, hear ye. The Honorable Judge Hiram Mightor presiding.

_Mightor comes in. Sits at Judge's desk and pulls out his giant wooden mallet_

Mightor: Siddown and shut yer pieholes. This court is in session.

(bangs wooden mallet)

Mightor: Mr. Heyman, since you won the coin toss; you get the first opening statements.

_Courtroom roars into boos and angry turkey gobbles_

Heyman: Ladies, gentlemen and turkeys of the courtroom, my name is Paul Heyman-

(Angry boos and angry gobbles continue)

Heyman: Your Honor, if I may continue?

Mightor: Yes, of course.

_Angry boos and gobbles continue_

Mightor (bangs wooden hammer multiple times): **_SHUT YER PIEHOLES!_**

_Courtroom goes quiet_

Heyman: Thank you. As I was saying, we here in America celebrate a time honored tradition. And who the hell is some kids pork chop dinner to tell us that the Turkey should **_NOT_** be pardoned?! It's just that **_UNAMERICAN! _**So what would you do? Do you pardon the disease ridden **_PIG-_**

Oolong (angry): **_I RESENT THAT REMARK!_**

Heyman: -Or do you do the obvious choice and pardon the turkey of any and all wrongdoings?

Harvey: If I may Your Honor?

Mightor: The floor is yours, Mr. Birdman.

Harvey: Thank you, Your Honor. Tradition is something that happens every year. Christmas, Halloween, the Super Bowl, even the pardoning of the Turkey or many now remember this custom as Thanksgiving. But one animal, my client who was arrested and being sued in court today for speaking his mind. Why do all the turkeys get pardoned. Can't we just once give the pardon to an animal who has been pictured as the dirty, perverted, disgusting, BBQ mascots and of course the depiction of all sex for once!? **_YOU THE JURY CAN STILL PARDON THE PIG, BUT THINK ABOUT IT FOR ONE MOMENT AND YOU COULD START A NEW CUSTOM IN PARDONING THE PIG!_**

Daffy Duck: **_YOU SCCCCCHHHHUCK BIRDMAN!_**

(Deadpool shoots him, his beak is on the other side of his head. Daffy readjusts his beak)

Daffy: **_YEEERRRR DISSSSCCCHHHPICTABLE!_**

(leaves the courtroom angry. Slams door, bucket falls on Pooh, who's sleeping)

Pooh: (muffled snoring)

-Court-

Heyman: State your name for the court, for the record.

Puar: Puar.

Heyman: And how long have you known the defendant in question?

Puar: Exactly 12 years, 4 months and 52 days.

Oolong: That long?

Heyman: And where did you meet the defendant?

Puar: At Shape Shifting School.

Heyman: And during Shape Shifting School, what was the defendant like?

Puar: He was a bully. He used to pick on me all the time, and he ended up cheating to pass. Not to mention, expelled for stealing the female teachers panties!

(courtroom gasps)

Oolong: What? Can't a guy make an honest living?

(courtroom mutters)

Mightor (bangs wooden hammer multiple times): Shut yer pieholes!

Heyman: Nothing further.

Harvey: If the defendant was your bully, why is it you hang around him now?

Heyman: Objection.

Mightor: On what basis, Mr. Heyman?

Heyman: That question is inadmissible because of what the witness said earlier.

Mightor: I'll allow it.

Puar: We had a common enemy and for some reason, he started living with Bulma.

Bulma: Speaking of, Oolong; you owe rent!

Oolong: Who do ya think I am, Mr. Monopoly?

(Mr. Monopoly is seen driving his 1920 automobile out of the courtroom)

Mr. Monopoly: Life is good!

-Court-

Bulma: I really don't see why I have to defend that little pervert.

Harvey: How do you rate the defendant?

Bulma: Out of 10? 3.

Oolong: **_WHAT!?_**

_Heyman laughs_

Oolong: Shaddup Heyman.

Harvey: Why a low rating?

Bulma: Because he's a pervert and everyone of his schemes always gets him and us in some sort of trouble.

Harvey: Next witness.

-Court-

Harvey: Now, Oolong; why don't you tell us your side of the story?

Oolong: Gladly, Birdman. For generations, the President has sold this propaganda of pardoning the turkeys for Thanksgiving. Meanwhile us pigs, lambs and God knows what else end up being made into Holy Sacrifices for Easter, Christmas and other Holiday meals. Is it too much ta ask fer some equal opportunity Pardoning? And if ya have to, ban the Thanksgiving Holiday just ta prove my point!

_Turkeys gobble angrily_

Heyman: You can't do that! For crap's sake, that's like banning Black Friday!

Clover: **_DON'T YOU DARE BAN BLACK FRIDAY!_**

Sam: Down with the pig!

Alex: What they said!

(Sam and Clover glare at Alex and sweat drop)

Mightor: I've heard enough. Oolong the Pig, you have made your point. I cannot ban a legal holiday, much less Black Friday. But you will be pardoned. Therefore, **_I PLACE YOU UNDER HOUSE ARREST UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE!_**

Harvey: We won!

Oolong: But at what cost?!

Mightor: This case is dismissed!

(bangs wooden hammer)

-Sebben & Sebben-

Oolong (on TV screen): Thanks a lot, Harvey. Ya got me under house arrest!

Goku: What does that mean?

Harvey: He's gonna be locked up in Bulma's house until Judge Mightor says he's free to go.

Bulma: And if you think of escaping, I'll make you take that sweetrot again.

Oolong: You wouldn't dare!

Bulma: I would and **_I WILL!_**

(phone rings)

Harvey: Sebben & Sebben Law Firm, this is Harvey Birdman speaking.

(Heyman is laughing loudly on the other end)

_Slams phone back on receiver_

Goku: If your made at that thing and you wanna smash it, you oughta try this instead.

(Goku punches phone through Harvey's desk)

Goku: There you go.

Harvey: **_THAT COST $200.00 AND I HAD TO PASS GO!_**

_Everyone laughs_

Harvey: Seriously.

_Everyone laughs harder_

(Harvey Birdman credits)


	5. Angels Day in Court (Part 1)

Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law

By: DMEX

Ch. 5

Angels Day in Court (PART 1)

Time: 00:00 a.m. Date: V-Day

Place: Immoral Hotel

(Stocking is waiting outside pissed off, meanwhile Panty is having sex with someone)

Panty (sexually aroused): **_AAAAAAAAGH YEAH! MAKE ME A WOMAN! MAKE ME A WOMAN!_**

Stocking: Hurry the f**k up! I'm getting hungry!

_a police car is waiting in the distance_

Panty (sexually aroused): **_AAAAAAAGH! YOUR BOD IS UNGODLY AMAZING!_**

Stocking (angry): **_DAMMIT PANTY! HURRY UP! THE PIGS ARE COMING!_**

(Door opens)

Panty: Can't an angel have a little V-Day fun?

Stocking: Who were you f***ing?

(Sirens wail, police radio chatter)

_Multiple Officer Jennies cock and point heir guns at them. They put their hands in the air. They slam them on their cruiser_

Officer Jenny: Know what this is?!

Panty: My f**kin' panties, motherf**ker! **_GIVE THEM BACK TO ME!_**

Officer Jenny: You kiss your mother with that mouth!?

(they slam Panty and Stocking on their cruiser)  
Officer Jenny: You are both under arrest! You have the right to remain silent-

(P&S main theme with Harvey Birdman opening)

-Sebben & Sebben Law Firm, Harvey's Office-

Harvey is hard at work and Avenger is playing with Oshawatt

Peanut: Ya know what that smell is?

Harvey: Don't tell me; Cheese farted again.

(Cheese is running around making weird sounds)

**GUNSHOT**

Deadpool: That yellow prick was pissin' me off so I shot him.

Deadpool Voice: **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Wait, that means we can rob him!**

Deadpool: **_HELL YEAH! I'M DOWN WITH THAT!_**

Peanut: No the smell I was alluding to was (you ready for this?)

(NBA theme from the _Space Jam _movie, MonSTARS vs. TUNE SQUAD game, plays in the background)

Harvey: Easy with the NBA references.

Peanut: Sorry, couldn't resist. The scent was love. Like this young lady right here-

Mai Valentine clenches her fists and grits her teeth. Then punches Peanut in the face

Mai: **_I'VE NEVER BEEN SO INSULTED IN MA LIFE!_**

Harvey: Really, Peanut?

*buzz*

*: Mr. Birdman, you have a client. A Garter.

Harvey: Send him in.

_Deadpool and Peanut snicker. Garter comes in very pissed off_

Garter: **_I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS S**T! THOSE TWO GOT ARRESTED AGAIN!_**

Harvey: Calm down, Garter. Who exactly got arrested?

Garter: **_THEM TWO HOS PANTY AN' STOCKING!_**

(Deadpool tries to hold his laughter)

Garter: **_YA FIND SONNTIN' FUNNY, JERKWAD?!_**

Deadpool: Wait, wait, wait, wait! So your friends are named Panty and Stocking. And your name is Garterbelt?

Garter: **_IS THAT A PROBLEM YA SONOVABITCH?!_**

_Deadpool roars into laughter. fighting and Deadpool screaming in pain is heard in Phil's office_

Harvey: So what did Panty and Stocking do this time? Fighting? Cursing in school, Assaulting the Gym Teacher-

Peanut: That's High School, HB.

Harvey: Grand Theft Auto, Solicitation to Prostitution, Arson, Assault and Battery-

Garter: **_THEY GOT ARRESTED FOR BEIN AT THAT DAMN IMMORAL HOTEL!_**

Harvey: Since when was it illegal to stop at a hotel?

Garter: **_PANTY WAS HAVIN' F**KING SOME DUDE AND STOCKING WAS BEING DA LOOKOUT!_**

Harvey: **_THEY CAN'T DO THAT! HOW IS ANYONE SUPPOSED TO HAVE YOUNG LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT ON VALENTINE'S DAY!_**

Garter: **_YOU BEDDA NOT BE ENCOURAGING THEIR BAD HABITS!_**

Harvey: **_I'M NOT!_** (I think.) But in all seriousness, **_I'LL TAKE THE CASE!_**

-Prison, Block P, Cell S-

Panty: **_AGH! _**Where the f**k is Garter?! He was supposed to pay our bail an hour ago!

Stocking (angry): **_THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED F YOU HADN'T GONE TO THE IMMORAL HOTEL AND HAD SEX WITH THAT DUDE, YOU F**KING WHORE!_**

Panty (angry):**_ I WAS IN THE MOOD FOR SEX AND VALENTINE'S DAY IS A PERFECTLY GOOD EXCUSE TO GO OUT AND GET F**KED!_**

Ed: Hurry Double D! Their scaring me!

Edd: I'm trying!

Eddy: **_DO SOMETHING! I CAN'T SURVIVE PRISON, DOUBLE D!_**

Stocking: F**k you, guys!

Panty: Yah, seriously. Anyway, Stocking where were we? Oh yeh-

Garter: **_BOTH YA'LL SHUT YOUR TRAPS!_**

Panty: What the s**t took you so damn long?! You know how long we had to put up with those idiots?!

Garter: **_THEY HAD POINTED HEADS WHEN THEY SHOWED UP IN PRISON! NOW LISTEN UP! YOUR ASSES ARE GOIN' TA COURT! AND I GOT YOU A DAMN GOOD LAWYER TA MAKE SURE YOU DON'T GET 7-10 YEARS IN JAIL!_**

Stocking: So who'd ya get?

Harvey: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law. I'll be representing you in court.

Panty: Hello, you're a piece of sweet ass.

Garter: **_DON'T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!_**

-Immoral Hotel-

(cue outside of Immoral Hotel)

Panty is having sex with Harvey

Panty (sexually aroused): **_AAAAAGHH YEAH! YOUR BOD IS LIKE A SEX GOD!_**

_Squidward is knocking on the door outside_

Panty (angry toward Squidward): **_PISS OFF, ASSHOLE!_**

Panty (romantically, toward Harvey): Now where were we, honeycakes?

Squidward: Keep it down! Some of us are trying to sleep!

Panty: Excuse me for a moment.

(Her panties turn into guns. Panty opens the door and shoots Squidward until he runs away screaming)

Panty: About time, asshole!

Garter: **_WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST TELL YA'LL?!_**

-Court-

Judge: Eric Bischoff Bailiff: Brief

Prosecution: Scanty and Knee socks (The Demon Sisters) Defense: Harvey Birdman

Brief: Um, all rise for-

(reads slip of paper)

Brief (shocked): **_WHAT?! ERIC BISCHOFF?!_**

Garter: **_AW, HELL NO!_**

(Door bursts open, and his TNA music plays in the background. Bischoff is booed out of the courtroom, but the Demon sisters cheer for him)

Panty (shocked): **_WHAT THE HELL?! WHY HIM OF ALL PEOPLE?!_**

Stocking (shocked): **_GAME OVER PANTY! WE'RE SCREWED!_**

Harvey: This is not good.

_Bischoff sits in the Judge's chair and puts his feet on the desk_

Bischoff: **_THANK YOU ALL! YOU MAY NOW BE SEATED! _**This frickin' court is in session!

(slams gavel)

(Harvey Birdman Credits with P&S End Credits theme)

**TO BE CONTINUED!**


	6. Angels Day in Court (Part 2)

Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law

By: DMEX

Ch. 6

Angels Day in Court (PART 2)

_Previously on Harvey Birdman:_

_(Sirens wail, police radio chatter)_

_Multiple Officer Jennies cock and point heir guns at them. They put their hands in the air. They slam them on their cruiser_

_Officer Jenny: You are both under arrest! You have the right to remain silent-_

_Harvey: So what did Panty and Stocking do this time? Fighting? Cursing in school, Assaulting the Gym Teacher-_

_Garter: **PANTY WAS HAVIN' F**KING SOME DUDE AND STOCKING WAS BEING DA LOOKOUT!**_

_Panty: **AGH! **Where the f**k is Garter?! He was supposed to pay our bail an hour ago!_

_Stocking (angry): **THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED F YOU HADN'T GONE TO THE IMMORAL HOTEL AND HAD SEX WITH THAT DUDE, YOU F**KING WHORE!**_

_Garter: **BOTH YA'LL SHUT YOUR TRAPS! NOW LISTEN UP! YOUR ASSES ARE GOIN' TA COURT! AND I GOT YOU A DAMN GOOD LAWYER TA MAKE SURE YOU DON'T GET 7-10 YEARS IN JAIL!**_

_Brief: Um, all rise for-_

_(reads slip of paper)_

_Brief (shocked): **WHAT?! ERIC BISCHOFF?!**_

_Garter: **AW, HELL NO!**_

_Panty (shocked): **WHAT THE HELL?! WHY HIM OF ALL PEOPLE?!**_

_Stocking (shocked): **GAME OVER PANTY! WE'RE SCREWED!**_

_Harvey: This is not good._

_Bischoff: **THANK YOU ALL! YOU MAY NOW BE SEATED! **This frickin' court is in session!_

_(slams gavel)_

_Tonight, the conclusion._

-Court-

Judge: Eric Bischoff Bailiff: Brief

Prosecution: Scanty and Knee socks (The Demon Sisters) Defense: Harvey Birdman

Bischoff: Alright, Demon girls go first and then Harvey, you get to make your opening statement.

Scanty: Thank you, Your Honor.

KneeSocks: Ladies first, as it should be, not like them sluts over there.

Panty: F**k you!

Bischoff: You'd like that wouldn't you.

Panty: Chauvinist pig.

Bischoff: I can arrange that.

_Knee Socks uses magic and turns Gohan into a pig_

Bischoff: There you go. He's all yours, just how you like them.

Stocking: I sense sarcasm.

Knee Socks: Anyway, the reason we are here in court is to prosecute those skanks Panty and Stocking to the fullest extent of the-

Bischoff: **_AW SHUT UP! YER DRIVING ME NUTS!_**

_Scanty has a red anger mark on her head_

Scanty: **_EXCUSE ME, WE WEREN'T DONE-_**

Bischoff: Quite frankly, I really don't give a rat's ass.

Knee Socks: **_RUDE!_**

Bobby Rhoode (angry): **_BACK OFF! I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS!_**

Knee Socks: **_I WASN'T REFERING TO YOU, JACKASS!_**

Bobby Rhode: Good, then we don't have a problem.

Angry Birds break the wall and beat up Rhoode and take him off somewhere

Harvey: May I, Your Honor.

Bischoff: If it doesn't put me ta sleep.

Harvey: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my clients are young, and don't think like the rest of society. Panty was at a hotel doing what majority of women do for Valentine's Day **_WHEN THE POLICE CAME AND ARRESTED THEM AND NOW ARE BEING SUED IN COURT FOR JUST HAVING SOME HARMLESS SEXUAL FUN IN WHICH-_**

Bischoff: **_SHUT UP!_**

Stocking: How do you like that, not only does he hate women when they speak, he hates Harvey.

Panty: He was defending my honor, **_WHICH IS SOMETHING YOU DON'T HAVE BITCH-OFF!_**

(SpongeBob and Patrick are trying to hold their laughter in)

Bischoff: I frickin' get it, we all know Bischoff is a funny name.

Harvey: uhh…

Bischoff (angry): **_NOBODY ASKED YOU, HARVEY!_**

Stocking: You do bitch a lot.

Bischoff (angrier): **_THAT'S IT! MY CHAMBERS, RIGHT FRICKIN' NOW!_**

-Bischoff's Chambers-

Kevin Nash, Scott Hall and X-Pac have baseball bats in hand and are guarding Bischoff

Bischoff: So, you wanna cause trouble eh? Think it's funny to have those potty mouth angels mock my frickin name?!

Harvey: Well to be fair, Your Honor-

Scott Hall: Pick your next words carefully, Birdbrain.

Kevin Nash: Cause we'll kick your ass.

X-Pac: And stick you where the sun don't shine.

Scott Hall: Seriously?

X-Pac: The toilet.

Kevin Nash: Yeah, we'll do that as well!

Knee Socks: Your Honor, you told us to shut up when we we're presenting our opening statement! Have you no manners?!

Bischoff: Depends. Who's asking?

Scanty: **_US!_**

Bischoff: **_OUT!_**

-Moe's Tavern-

Garter: **_CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT ASSHOLE?!_**

Harvey: I know. The judge who was supposed to take this case is not here right now.

(Panty is seen chugging a beer)

Harvey: Is she even of legal age to be drinking?

Moe: Who cares? They're angels.

Garter: **_I CARE!_**

Stocking: No you don't.

_Panty is taking her clothes off and looks like-_

Moe: **_HEY! YOU WANNA HAVE RELATIONS, TAKE IT IN THE BATHROOM!_**

(Door busts open)

Nash: **_YO, SYZLACK! GET SOME DUFFS FOR US!_**

Hall: **_AND MAKE IT QUICK!_**

X-Pac: **_OR WE'LL BEAT YOU UP AGAIN!_**

Moe: I don't serve to guys who work for Sleazy E!

Hall: That's Judge Bischoff ta you.

Harvey: This is not gonna end well.

_fighting, bathroom door opens and Panty tosses out the sink_

Panty: **_SHUT THE F**K UP! I'M TRYING TA HAVE SEX!_**

Stocking: Does she have to do that in public?

-Court-

Harvey: State your name to the court for the record.

Brief: My name's Brief.

Harvey: And how long have you known the defendants?

Brief: 2 years and 57 days.

Patrick: That's a lot of f**king days.

(Mr. Krabbs grabs Patrick by his mouth and drags him out of the court room)

Harvey: And during that time, what was the one thing you've wanted to do.

Nash: **_OBJECTION! _**No one a gives a crap.

(jurors mutter)

Bischoff: Motion granted.

Harvey: Your Honor, you can't be serious!

Hall: Nobody asked you.

Bischoff: Next witness.

-Court-

Hall: So Stockin' Chockin', what's yer bra size and how do you-

_Beats Hall with Chuck_

-Court-

Nash: How many times have you-

Panty: Oh, you mean "that"? Well I don't like ta brag, but I've f**ked 1000 men, Brief being my 1000th.

Faarooq: **_DAMN!_**

Harvey: Objection.

Bischoff: Shut yer trap.

Stocking: **_AT LEAST I CAN KEEP MY SKIRT ON, YOU F**KING WHORE!_**

Panty: **_YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BACAUSE MEN ARE ALL OVER ME!_**

-Court-

Harvey: Isn't it true that you were paid tons of money to defame my clients?

Scanty: Yes, we were. Bischoff wanted a favor, but then we rightfully turned down that sexist pig.

Knee Socks: Can you believe he actually **_WANTED_** us to take our clothes off and make us beg?!

_Everyone gasps and pull out weapons on Bischoff, Nash, Hall and Pac_

Hall: Okay, we can explain.

_Everyone chases them out of the courtroom in angry mob form_

Panty: Wanna call it even on this one?

Knee Socks: Seeing as it's Eric f**king Bischoff, I think we can call a truce on this one.

-Harvey's Office-

Harvey: Well, looks like you won't be doing jail time.

Panty: Thank God. I don't even think I can survive prison, not to mention-

Stocking: Oh stuff it, Panty!

Gohan: **_ISN'T ANYONE GONNA TURN ME BACK?!_**

Deadpool: Hey baby. How old are you?

Panty: Depends, who's asking?

Deadpool: Deadpool, the Merc with a Mouth and I look like Ryan Reynolds underneath the mask.

_A brick comes flying through Harvey's window_

Peter Pottomus (from below): **_I'M GONNA GET MY JOB BACK, DEADPOOL! JUST YOU WAIT!_**

Deadpool: Yeah, I'd like to see ya try ya fat sack a crap!

Deadpool Voice: **YOU MEAN LIKE STOCKING?! SWEET! I CALL FAT SEX!**

Stocking (pissed off): **_I HEARD THAT!_**

_chases Deadpool out with her katana, everyone laughs_

(Harvey Birdman Credits with P&S End Credits theme)

To be Continued


End file.
